Walking towards the house weighted down with grocery bags full of cheese, bread, milk and whatnot, huffing and puffing coming from the garage trying to get to the kitchen counter to lay down my burden I was met at the back door by a Cheshire cat smiling husband saying, “Come ‘ere and see what I found, come ‘ere, come ’ere.” Helpfully he got my fingers free of the tangle of bags, leaving a plastic sea on the floor just inside the back door. Grabbing my hand he started leading me down the hall towards the bedroom. I thought, well you probably know what I thought, but nope he passed the bedroom and stepped into the bathroom, then things got weird…
Once in the bathroom he points at what looked like a wet dead, drowned black mucky rat laying on a paper towel spread on the counter. “Just look at that!” he remarked. Okay, I bit. I asked what, where and yuck. He informed me that he had cleaned out the drain and pulled out this glob of–hair. Well that started yet another discussion of a slew of hair related incidents occurring during our blissful marriage.
I know there is a problem when hair goes down the sink. Yes I have long hair. Not only because I like it but because I have a reoccurring dream of having my hair cut by my sister then waking up in a cold sweat. While she was going to beauty school way back in 1969 she would practice on me. By the time she graduated I was nearly bald! Now more than an inch cut off my locks causes flashbacks. Moving on…
Hair in the drain is one thing, but then he moved on to hair wrapped around the brush/roller of the vacuum cleaner. Now he’s on a mission. Like a dog with a big ole bone that tasted so good, he couldn’t stop. Yes I have burnt up more than my share of sucky machines. But I learned from those experiences how to take one apart, all the way down to the bearings of the roller to get at the hair so tightly wrapped that a box cutter was needed to cut away the build-up. While the vacuum cleaner was being discussed he took the opportunity to retell a story from before we married. For some reason we were using my mother’s vacuum cleaner and it had no suck. I remember it was spring. Seeing my frustration at the thing not having any said suck he suggested checking the bag. Bag? What bag? I was very young and did not know about bags and vacuums. Shaking his head he opened the cleaner and pulled out the bulging bag. Then moved on to clean out the hose packed with pine needles-from Christmas! Lesson learned.
After the hair/drain, hair/vacuum discussions he tried moving on to hair in the car, hair in the spaghetti, (it only happened once!), hair around the wheels of the office chairs binding the rollers so much rolling became scooting… I regaled countering back with stories of grease covered pants, burnt welding holes in shirts. Speaking of hair, I went on, what about YOUR house cats! Apparently in the realm of house cat hair vs. long hair that creates drowned wet yucky rats in the drain; long hair loses. So now I have learned how to use a drain snake. Yet another lesson learned.
Trina Machacek lives in Eureka. Her book ITY BITS can be purchased on Kindle. Share your thoughts and opinions with her at firstname.lastname@example.org.